I had so many reservations about posting this particular photo… I mean who am I to post this picture of my butt? Who am I to think I should?
It was a photo that when our photographer took it, she said, “put it on Pinterest and I promise you (it) will go viral”. I said, “Sure yeah, let’s do it…!” 😉 And then I never got around to it (excuses) and then with time, my mind never got around to letting me do it. I began to say….who am I to post this picture? “I mean who do you really think you are Kelly? Do you really think it’s good? Do you really want to be seen this way? What are you…In high school? What are the people following you going to think of you? You aren’t good enough to post that!”
The negative chatter was nonstop until days went by, then weeks went by and then,….months.
This was shot was taken in August. 6 months ago. 😳
The excuses won.
It doesn’t matter your age, your background, your success or lack there of. It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, long legs, freckled, red hair, large, small or any other body shape. It doesn’t matter if you have an IQ of 148 or if you dropped out of high school. It doesn’t matter WHO you are and it doesn’t matter about anything on the outside. Ever! These bodies are mere skin and bones that are taking us through our human journey called, “life”.
We are all the same. We all experience our ego trying to control us and keep us safe and make us play small. Our negative mind just wants us safe and free from doing anything we could get judged for. It protects us and wants us protected and the default is always, “go small”.
I didn’t want to give me much time to process this. i just felt why not? One day I’ll be on my death bed and say, “Did I live LARGE?” “Did I go big?” “Was I afraid of being judged?” “Did I do it all with love and joy and passion?”
Just for now, and in this present moment, I’m going to go big, and say, “F&$*# IT” and just do it! I may have regrets tomorrow but for today in this moment, I’m going to celebrate being ALIVE!
There is so much I have worked on and processed in 2019. The realization of the acute traumas I have dragged along with me over the past 50+ years has hijacked my life in many ways and brought me to my knees at times. A crumbled pile of soaking wet tears if you want to know the truth. It has, however, also created these lessons and this space for me to go deep and learn and grow and evolve and share. Share! And share some more.
I’m celebrating each morsel of suffering as this pain has made me who I am today.
It’s a new year, a new life and it’s time to simply live!! Live! Live!
I love you all so much.
Happy New Year!
Love,
