This is what 50 looks like!

Awesomeness at 50. Celebrating my half century today!

(and being cool in my own skin).

My goodness it’s here and I’m okay. I made it! I’m the same person that I was 20, 30, 40 years ago….but I have to say, only a better, more refined and updated model. 🙂

To think of all the ups and downs, and good and bad struggles in my life and to have mastered them all and be where I am today gives me these goose bumps and shivers through my core. I can’t imagine living my last 50 years any other way and I’m very grateful for all of my lessons and ‘teachers’ that have come graciously into my life.

I feel GREAT! Better than ever!
50 is Fabulous!
50 is Liberating!
50 is knowing who I am and to not be afraid to be it.
50 is the ultimate in Feminine Energy power.
50 is totally SEXY and free.
50 gives me the power ….to be exactly WHO I NEED to be.

There were times of fear and loneliness when I was a “single mom” and it was for such a long period of time (so it seemed) that I questioned myself. I was very hard on myself that I wasn’t ‘good enough’. I questioned my role as the Erinn’s mom, as the most significant role I could ever have had bestowed upon me, to be best role model and unselfishly try to be the person my daughter needed me to be. It probably heightened my level of being an over-achiever and accomplish what I have to date with my family by opening Lettuce Love Cafe and our vegan and gluten-free bakery called, Kelly’s Bake Shoppe and my website too, not to mention a few other businesses in the mix. These were hard lessons. Erinn gave me this beautiful gift of allowing me to be her mom and for me to humbly grow and mature in that role of parenting.

This gift I was given (with Erinn as my teacher), of living life as passionately and authentic as I possibly could, I now got to put into  my heart and pass on to others. Erinn has now also embarked on her own personal journey in life and has acquired the most amazing, inspiring, loving boyfriend and if I could have possibly ever chosen one for her, it would be Michael. He is just the most intuitively, compassionate guy around. She is a very lucky girl.

Erinn and I are just beginning our journey together in the business world – yes, this is just the tip of the iceberg – and I can’t wait to see what else is in store for us. I respectfully adore her and everything she stands for. It has been my greatest pleasure to watch her grow. xo

Meeting Ken was like the sun, moon and the stars all collaboratively aligned to bring Ken and I together and by doing so, it brought out the BEST in both of us. This was a match made in perfection. From the first day we met, we continually brainstormed our dreams together and he instilled a belief in me that there was nothing I couldn’t do. What a powerhouse I became and I lived my vision and undying passion morning, noon and night. I decided I needed to be a leader in people’s lives and show them that change can happen when you really want it. He really was the catalyst that opened ME up to change and to be the woman I needed to be. Everyone else up until then gave me the ‘lessons’ but Ken brought out the power in me. Somehow he nurtured the very thing I needed to unleash ME and soar. I’m so grateful to this guy for what I have accomplished in my life and where I am today. I love you Ken. xo

With Erinn, Ken and now Mike too, as a “Family and Family Business”, I’ve realized that there is nothing more I need on this planet. We have successfully made ourselves into this very cool (atypical) family unit or entity and it just gives me so much joy every day. Absolute, utter JOY.

I wanted to share a bit about what I’ve learned over these wonderful 50 years about what I think are the most important lessons to me. These pivotal “wake-up” turning points for me that were instrumental in making me shine and become the woman I needed to become. These points are also still works in progress.

The first thing we need to understand and really believe is that we are all on this path together. A path that we all lovingly share and there is no separateness. There is no right or wrong. There is space for all of us to grow and one of the biggest blessings we can bestow upon ourselves is the blessing of patience and to know we are all learning to be the best we can be, as fast as we can and that there is no ‘finish line’. Life’s lessons never end.

I believe the most important thing we can do for ourselves is to forgive ourselves. Deep down forgiveness that will make you cry with the kind and loving words you say to yourself. You are allowed to be not ‘perfect’ (who is anyway?). We are so hard on ourselves every day with how we look, how we act, how we are judged by others, how someone reacts to us and we feel hurt or guilt when we disappoint him or her, how we live our life unhappy and not true to who we are. Just maybe the first thing to do on this path to change is to say it’s okay for them to be unhappy and or disapproving of us and that you give yourself permission to be you and accept how we look, accept your beliefs, accept how we feel, and forgive yourself and detach from the guilt and fear and other negative beliefs that weigh us down and stops us from achieving what we really want.

“THIS is Freedom. To forgive and love yourself and allow the real you to shine through is very powerful.”

We can easily stay locked up inside our minds with turmoil and strife and beat ourselves up with harsh words and guilt and we don’t even know we are saying 99% of the time it’s so engrained in our subconscious. It might sound like this: “You’re not good enough” “You’ve gone and made him angry again…look what you’ve done” “Don’t bother doing that, you’re not smart enough to do that” “He’ll leave you any way, just like every other guy has”. The list can go on and on. What I’m saying simply to do is to drop the stories of what people may think, drop the judgments towards ourselves, stop feeling the guilt and other obligations to have them approve of us and become ‘love’.

To be kind to oneself, it might go something like this:

“I forgive you ____ (your name) for feeling guilty towards upsetting dad. What HE is judging me about is none of my business. I’m really okay”

“I forgive you _____ (your name) for disappointing my wife today. What my wife says harshly to me is none of my business. I’m really okay”

“I forgive ______(your name) for not eating right today. I will love ME and feed me right starting now.”
The pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect or to act a certain way and laugh a certain way and to PLEASE others a certain way is crippling and really, we instantly lose our authenticity of who WE are because we change. That’s what breeds internal resentment and unhappiness towards ourselves.

“It’s not what I think about ME. It’s really NOT MY story at all”

When we don’t live authentically and become what we think others want us to be, we end up resenting ourselves. This is where cancers, chronic diseases and other immune disorders will show up. They have all been bred in this toxic environment we create that are perfect for disease but uninhabitable for normal healthy cellular development. I’ve seen it and read about it many times over and found a common thread is the ‘unloving’ of ourselves in certain areas in our lives that can manifest illnesses including cancer. (I’d love to expand about that in my book)

“All the stories and judgments I’ve experienced from others about me over the years, that have hurt me deeply, are all the opinions that THEY have labeled me with. It’s their judgment”

Somehow we’ve all learned to live and breathe the stories from others’ opinions and words every day and feel hurt, anger, resentment, sadness and sometimes deep despair and loneliness from hurt and isolation. I became disappointed in me that I didn’t live up to their expectations. We all carry this baggage around. Can you imagine being on your deathbed with this thought: “I wish I had the courage to live my life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”?

“What others think about me is NONE of MY business”

At 50, I’m saying HERE I AM! This is MY life. Watch out world for a Kelly that is not going to stop because I need to please someone or that I may disappoint another or someone may not like the way I eat or walk or talk or live….. I want to inspire others with my story. Dare to be different. My story is about changing our lives for the better and bring in more joy, happiness and authenticity.

THIS is what 50 means to me: Being very cool in my own skin.

Give yourself permission to PLAY bigger with all your awesomeness. It’s your obligation to live up to your calling and become your authentic self. xo

Are you living your life yet,